Although the fear of commitment in relationships is a common theme, is often a taboo subject among the people really in a relationship. Women avoid the subject for fear to be perceived as desperate or tacky. Men avoid the subject because, well, they are afraid of commitment. To understand where this fear comes and how to respond accordingly is useful to peer into the brain to the male perspective. There are a number of issues involved in the fear of commitment, but many fall into the following four categories:
1. Loss of freedom (any kind). The freedom to leave dirty dishes in the sink. Freedom to watch the game with the boys instead going to a birthday party for his cousin. And, of course, the freedom to give and receive the attention of the opposite sex. In the male mind, there is an inverse relationship between their freedom and their level of commitment of the person who is dating. A month long relationship may seem the best of both worlds to men – romance without a lot of demands – While a long-term union leads to expectations of commitment and mutual agreement about the weather and activities.
Yes, a fear of commitment of people can prove to be selfish, but it is a simple and effective strategy for addressing this issue. Give him time and space to do things you like on a regular basis. That's all. Could be playing pool, hunt, or play poker with the boys. This accomplishes two things: that shows that he cares about the little things that are important to him and is a good example of selflessness in the relationship. If it is worth keeping, he will follow his example to leave their way to be attentive to their wants and needs.
The Past experience 2 .. While not usually talk about it, men (and women) often have psychological scars from past relationships and experiences that may contribute to a fear of commitment. Maybe put it all on the line with someone, but ended with a broken heart. Maybe your parents divorced. There can be a number infinite life events than men because of firearms shy when it comes to commitment.
The key here is communication. If the relationship is potential, support and understanding attitude might be enough to break the walls built by the past. Couples therapy may also be useful. Again, if it is worth keeping, he will be willing to work as hard as working towards a commitment of love. If not, see next category.
3. Immaturity. For some men, fear of commitment is more than a lack of maturity, a condition that, unfortunately, affects men of all ages. These men are unable to appreciate the benefits of a committed relationship. This type of thought holds that the pleasure comes from "hunting" and "conquer" as many women as possible. There are problems of self-esteem at stake here, with a continuous need for affirmation provided by the attention of women. This is not true romance material is made. Unless you're interested in playing a role in this unhealthy cycle, you should try to recognize this behavior as quickly as possible and move on.
Bachelor 4. For Life. Some men just are not interested in marriage or any commitment to long term. This does not mean that you have a commitment phobia or make a bad person, if they are honest about their intentions (or lack thereof). This could be an option mature on the basis of what they want out of life. If your goals and values are not the same, it's time to look elsewhere.
It takes time to assess whether a relationship is going, and is definitely more of an art than a science. It can be difficult at first to discern what, if any, of these categories, the man in your life fits into. But understanding from the male perspective on the commitment may be an essential tool in the process. If you decide it's worth the effort, you can take steps to foster a relationship positive and healthy impression on her fear of commitment. Knowing when and how to take action, you can help eliminate all fears except one – the fear of losing you.
Maury: “Big Black Men with Little White Women” (2007)
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